Organizers are Kenough!
Organizers know that bad clutter sometimes happens to good people. Sometimes our possessions become a boa constrictor wrapped around our psyche. When our memories are inextricably woven into our possessions, parting with an item means abandoning a piece of your self. You could no more slice off the proverbial pound of flesh than toss that hamper into the Salvation Army’s maw.
As professional organizers we have all noticed how much easier it is to part with clothes or durable goods when they’re going to a charity rather than a trash bin. People don’t want their purchases to be invalidated by disposal. It’s very personal. They are much more relaxed if those books destined for the church’s recycling bin are going to be read and re-read.
Patchwork Quilts of Memories
A possession can be a patchwork quilt of sense memories. Gripping the cloth evokes memories of the surprisingly strong grasp of your first grandchild. The arm of that red sweater was the favorite resting place for your young daughter’s head. The green smell of spring showers interrupting your children’s picnic still rises from the folds of that outré jumpsuit.
My client wanted to keep that jumpsuit. Ten years old, it was never going to be comfortable or functional again. She wanted to keep it. I pointed out that it was totally impracticable at her age. If she ever needed to use a public restroom it would be impossible to execute the gyrations required to keep it off the floor.
It went into the donate pile.
We sorted and sorted and sorted. Some items no longer fit. Others were never going to become vintage or ironic. Some were just not her. An enormously unmanageable overflowing closet slowly shifted to a totally manageable, though very large, bag of donations.
Together we landed on keep or donate as she tried on outfit after outfit. We remade every clothing collage scene in every rom-com ever made. You know the one where the awkward friend tries on fifty outfits in two-and-a-half minutes and is finally transformed into a goddess, as the music swells, by the very last one.
Permission to Detach
It occurred to me that what my client wanted more than anything else was permission to let go. Her clothes had such a strong hold that she couldn’t give herself that permission. But with a simple head shake or a light question from me, you could see the tension leave her face. Detaching from these closet monsters seemed to bring her so much peace.
Explicitly providing permission to detach was all that was needed. Permission which would never be granted by her own mind.
I realized this week how important leadership is for a professional organizer. My client was well aware that clutter alters the way we live our lives. Clutter literally and figuratively blocks access to opportunities and wastes our time. Hoarding is a semaphore. It’s a distress signal that asks us to lead the way to safety.
The woman desperately wanted an exit ramp, but kept missing the turn.
It didn’t take much coaching. A simple nudge in the right direction was enough. We worked through the drastically improved closet.
She needed me to be a leader. On that organized day I was Kenough for both of us.
